Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
