They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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