Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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