so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
