3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
