so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
