ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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