***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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