Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize