i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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