That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do herpes really smell.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
