8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
