I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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