I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
