even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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