yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
