Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize