I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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