Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I AM VODKA MAN
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
