in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
