did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
