At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
