Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
