Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
