:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
