I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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