ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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