meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
