I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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