There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Houston, we have a blender
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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