he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
