I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well I just put wine in my tea
whose parrot is this?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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