my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
