she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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