she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
