I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
