Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
