Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
