People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
