I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just threw up on my dentist
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
