I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
