I will die if light touches me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
