i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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