i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
