if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
