its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
