just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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