if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
