I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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