My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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