her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
