Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
