Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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