How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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