I wish I could teleport
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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