So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
why is half of my head shaved?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
