The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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