It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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