either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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