Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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