I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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